Let’s Talk About Body Image

One of my favorite, but also one of the more challenging, exercises to do with clients is body image timeline work.

I usually start by asking clients to think back to when they first remember noticing their body. From there, we start mapping out different experiences throughout their life where they received messages about their body, had experiences with their body, or started forming opinions about what their body was supposed to look like.

Sometimes the things that come up are pretty direct. A comment from a doctor. Something said in health class. A diet advertisement. Comparing yourself to an actor or actress. A makeup commercial telling us what we need to change about ourselves.

Other times, it is something that may seem much smaller.

Maybe it was hearing Aunt Karen comment that someone had “let themselves go.” And, to be clear, Aunt Karen probably could have kept that comment to herself. It was rude and inappropriate. But I won't get into that here.

Maybe it was noticing which bodies received compliments. Maybe it was comparing yourself to friends, siblings, or people you saw online. Maybe it was an experience where you felt embarrassed or uncomfortable in your body.

And usually, it isn't just one thing.

It is a collection of experiences that happen over time.

We receive messages about what bodies are supposed to look like, which bodies are considered attractive or healthy, what we should change, and sometimes even what our bodies supposedly say about us as people. We also have our own experiences that shape how we understand and relate to our bodies.

Then you add an eating disorder into the mix.

When Body Image Becomes Part of Recovery

First, I want to clarify something because there is a common misconception that every eating disorder involves body image concerns.

It doesn't.

Eating disorders are complex, and not everyone with an eating disorder is struggling with their body image or trying to change the way their body looks.

For people whose eating disorder does involve body image, though, it can add another complicated layer to recovery work.

One of the things that can make body image work so challenging is that you can't get away from your body.

In other areas of our lives, if we know something is a trigger, we may be able to create some distance from it. We can avoid certain situations, take a break, or change our environment.

Your body doesn't really give you that option.

You may avoid looking in the mirror. You may try not to think about your body. You may find ways to cover it up or avoid situations where you feel particularly aware of it. However, there are still going to be reminders throughout the day because you are living in your body.

So if we can't avoid our body, where do we go from here?

Where the Work Begins

We start working on our response.

That might mean shifting the way we talk about our bodies. It might mean reducing body checking behaviors. It might mean making space for body neutrality rather than trying to force ourselves into body positivity.

And sometimes, it may simply mean finding a little more kindness toward a body that we don't particularly like right now.

I also want to acknowledge that this work doesn't happen overnight.

If we go back to that first timeline, we can see that our current relationship with our bodies didn't develop overnight either. It was shaped by years of comments, comparisons, experiences, and messages about what our bodies were supposed to look like.

So it makes sense that changing that relationship takes time, too. Even if we wish it could change quicker.

I don't want to minimize how hard that can be. It is one thing to tell someone to “love your body,” and another thing entirely to actually feel that way.

The goal doesn't have to be loving your body all the time.

It can start with creating a little more space around the thoughts and feelings we have about our bodies.

Looking at the Other Side of the Timeline

This is where I usually come back to the body image timeline.

After we spend time looking at the experiences that may have shaped someone's relationship with their body, I will often ask clients to create a second timeline.

This time, we look at something different:

What has your body done for you?

Your body may have healed broken bones, played sports you loved, carried you through difficult illnesses, held your child, danced, run, hugged the people you love, gotten you through a long day, and simply continued showing up for you.

This isn't about creating a list of reasons you should suddenly love or appreciate your body.

It is about noticing that the story we have about our bodies can become very narrow. We can become so focused on how our bodies look, what we wish were different, or what we've been taught to criticize that those things start to feel like the whole story.

The second timeline gives us an opportunity to widen that story.

Our relationship with our bodies can be shaped by years of comments, comparisons, expectations, and experiences. Those things matter, and they can have a real impact on how we see ourselves.

But they aren't the whole story.

Our bodies are not only the parts we like or dislike. They are not only how they look, how they fit into clothes, or how they compare to someone else's body. There are many different pieces to our relationship with our bodies, and sometimes we need space to notice all of them.

For me, that is what the two timelines are really about.

The first helps us understand where some of our beliefs and feelings about our bodies came from.

The second helps us remember that our relationship with our bodies is more than those experiences.

We can start by making room for a more accurate picture of our bodies, including the parts that are difficult, the parts we appreciate, what our bodies have experienced, and what they may still allow us to experience.

Sometimes that is where body image work begins.